We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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