Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
