is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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