Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
