my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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