I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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