dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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