i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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