You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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