I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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