There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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