You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
