dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
