Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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