dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
