she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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