Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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