dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
even my farts smell like vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize