i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
