Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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