Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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