I think im going to throw up on grandma
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
whose parrot is this?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
