New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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