You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My ass is underappreciated
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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