so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
