i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
