Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
