I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
