There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
