You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
