i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
