Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
