he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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