we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
