Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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