I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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