i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
