don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
