You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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