we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
