Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
