just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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