I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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