Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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