I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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