he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
