nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
