WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
