Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
