Where is the hickey?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
