Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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