My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
