just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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