Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As shirtless as possible
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
