I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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