Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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