U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
