I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
