Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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