You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
