I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
