I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
