How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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