im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
