dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
