I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.