I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.