Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
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Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.