went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?