I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
