I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore