My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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