sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
