good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
