good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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