I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
