It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
