Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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