I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
