LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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