I must be too annoying 4 u.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
