I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
