So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
